Boundaries: Bridges, not Barriers
I used to think that getting what I want always required someone else to provide it.
But effective communication often requires more from us than it does from others. If we are able to communicate assertively, and with clarity, the outcomes of our conversations tend to give us exactly what we need.
Sounds unbelievable?
I'll prove it to you with this short example...
Let's pretend you're feeling overwhelmed with family and work responsibilities, and it's affecting your mood and energy.
*I know most of us don't need to pretend for this example.*
You catch yourself wishing for someone to notice and offer to help, but instead, you decide to communicate it directly.
You approach your partner and say, "I've noticed I'm feeling really drained lately, and it's affecting my ability to show up fully. I'm going to set aside some time each week to recharge, so I can bring my best energy to our time together and with the kids. I need you to brainstorm ways with me so we can share more equitably in the tasks at home so nothing important gets missed."
By stating your plan rather than asking for permission, you're giving yourself exactly what you need without relying on someone else to make it happen. You've taken ownership of your self-care, and if your partner rejects your initial request for collaboration, you can continue the conversation, with clarity around your 'why.'
Often, the act of communicating clearly does more for us than we might expect.
1 Powerful Skill: Stating Needs Clearly and Concisely
An assertive communicator can express their needs in a way that’s direct but respectful.
Think of it like a GPS: no one gets where they need to go without clear directions.
The next time you have a request, try this framework:
“I need X because it helps me Y.” For example, “I need uninterrupted focus time for the next hour because it helps me finish projects on time.”
This keeps it factual and removes any sense of demand or guilt. It’s about making your intentions transparent.
1 Mindset Shift: Boundaries are not Barriers
People often shy away from setting boundaries because they fear coming off as rigid or “too much.”
But here’s a shift: boundaries are not barriers.
They’re bridges that guide others on how to interact with us, showing respect for both sides. Boundaries let people know where they can operate freely, reducing potential miscommunication and resentment.
1 Action Step: Practice the "Soft Start" Technique
When you need to be assertive, start with a soft opener.
Acknowledge the other person’s perspective first, then introduce your boundary.
For example, “I know we’re all busy with tight deadlines, and I want to make sure my work stays on track too. I’ll need focused work time from 10–11 each day.”
This shows you’re considering their needs as you assert your own.
Final Thought
Assertiveness isn’t about putting up walls; it’s about opening up clear, reliable pathways in your relationships.
When people know where you stand and what you need, it strengthens their ability to trust and communicate with you openly.
Take this with you: The next time you feel hesitant to speak up, remember that clear communication is a gift to everyone involved.
When we respect our own needs, we’re in a much better position to respect others.
